Monday night’s episode of Secret Life was absolutely incredible! So many secrets come out, drama developed, not to mention Adrian and Ben’s engagement. However, if you were paying close attention you would’ve noticed a beautiful conversation between Adrian and Grace where Adrian compares the relationship she had with Ricky (back in season 1) to what she now has with Ben. She provides us with a beautiful answer to one of the most misunderstood problems with relationships today: the difference between love and lust. Here’s what she says… (It’s a long quote so I’ll cut out the unimportant parts.)“What I feel for Ben is a mature love, not like what I had with Ricky. Me and Ricky, we couldn’t keep our hands off of each other. We wanted to jump into bed with each other whenever we got the chance. It wasn’t real love, it was infatuation…But I really love Ben and I know he really loves me. He’s the kind of guy I always wanted, he’s there…being there is everything.”
The Adrian we saw in season 1 and the Adrian that gave us the above quote Monday night are to very different people. The old Adrian who “loved” Ricky always put on a smile, but was never truly happy. Her relationship with Ricky, based primarily on physical attractions and sex, never seemed to really fulfill her. Adrian’s current relationship with Ben, on the other hand, is very different. Adrian and Ben have very little physical chemistry, they haven’t had sex (except for that one time which they both acknowledge to be a huge mistake), but somehow both Adrian and Ben seem to be truly happy together. They seem to have a true sense of inner comfort and peace, a real true sense of love. They really want to give their lives to each other and to their daughter. Their relationship is based on something far deeper than sex; it is based on true sacrificial love. Granted, Adrian and Ben’s relationship has never been easy, and sometimes no fun at all, but any true love must be tested by the cross in order to obtain the joy of the resurrection.
The new, mature Adrian acknowledges that the physical love she and Ricky shared could never fulfill her like the true love that she and Ben share. Adrian says very clearly “he’s there…being there is everything” showing that she doesn’t want a man who is drop dead gorgeous and will please her sexually, she wants someone who she can rely on, someone who will be there for her and support her when she is in trouble…someone who is willing to show her the sacrificial love that Christ showed us on the cross, and someone with whom she can share that same sacrificial love.
This is a lesson that many people struggle to understand today. Our hearts yearn for love, the true sacrificial love that Ben and Adrian have found in each other. However, oftentimes we decide to settle for physical attraction and activity (like Adrian and Ricky) because it seems more appealing and more fun. The problem is our heart yearns for love, not infatuation. God did not create us because he was infatuated with us, but rather because he truly loves each and every one of us. Because of that, nothing short of such true love could ever possibly satisfy our hearts.
I think this is a great time to step back and examine the relationships in our lives. Are they based on infatuation or true love? Do my relationships resemble the connection between Adrian and Ricky, or Adrian and Ben?
“Heavenly Father, I know and believe that you created me out of love. I know that because of this, because of the infinite love you have for me, my heart will never be truly satisfied by anything short of true, divine, sacrificial love. Help me to never forget this, to never fall into any of the artificial forms of love created by the world, such as infatuation, but to always seek true love as shown to us by your Son, our Lord, Jesus Christ.”
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