The Kids are All Right

I am a firm believer that God has inscribed his law within the flesh of our hearts as it says in Paul’s letter to the Romans. I believe that though people may not choose to believe in God (or follow Him) they are still guided by the law He placed in their hearts at creation. That is if they choose to be open to it. Though people do not live their lives in accordance with Church Teaching or God’s law, I still feel that God is present, actively working to reconcile us with Him. He did His part by sending Jesus to die on the Cross for us. Now it’s our turn. Yes it’s a rough journey but that is why we have each other.

The Kids are All Right follows the daily life of a fictional lesbian couple who have created this life described in the movie as a marriage. Now I am not getting into the politics of this matter. That’s your own business. What took my breath away was the monologue by Jules (played by Julianne Moore) which goes a little like this:

Your mom and I are in hell right now and the bottom line is marriage is hard. It’s really f****n’ hard. It’s just two people slogging through the s**t, year after year, getting older, changing — [it’s a] f*****g marathon, okay? So sometimes, you know, you’re together so long you stop seeing the other person, you just see weird projections of your own junk. Instead of talking to each other, you go off the rails, and act grubby, and make stupid choices, which is what I did. And I feel sick about it because I love you guys, and your mom, and that’s the truth. And sometimes you hurt the ones you love the most, and I don’t know why… Anyway… I just wanted to say how sorry I am for what I did. I hope you’ll forgive me eventually. Thank you.

I ask that you look past the language and look past the fact that all this is in reference to the relationship of two women. What does this tell you about the love they share?

First off, marriage is a journey. Any married couple or consecrated religious will tell you that each day is a commitment. Some days (or weeks or months or years) are going to be “hell” but that’s ok because it’s hard, it’s a “marathon”. You work all the way ‘til the end. (Hence in most wedding vows you have “’Til death do us part.”

Now the hard part really comes when “you’re together so long you stop seeing the other person, you just see weird projections of your own junk.” When you stop looking at your spouse  as a person it really becomes hard to fully love them and appreciate them. That’s why Jules pulled away and “instead of talking to each other” she went “off the rails and [acted] grubby, and [made] stupid choices.” How is this different than our relationship with God?

I am a sinner. I lose sight of God and try to do my own thing. Instead of talking with God and trying to live out His will I go an make my own decisions. Typically that involves a lot of failure, impatience with myself and others, not to mention things I later regret. But we all do it. We all sin. We stop seeing our loved one for who they are. We stopped seeing God as our omnipotent Creator somewhere in our history so we veered off track.

Lucky for Jules, she feels sick about her decision because her decision jeopardized her relationship with the ones she loves. How come more of us don’t feel that way with God when we sin? Instead we continue to shrug it off and take our own initiative. But God is at work in Jules’ life because she is open to it. She’s open to doing what is right. She is open to humbling herself so she can fully love her spouse and her family. We need more of that in society. We need more relationships like this one where they are willing to persevere through the hard times, through “hell”. We need to realize that we can’t just live for ourselves and our own desires.

As for her statement, “And sometimes you hurt the ones you love the most and I don’t know why.” That’s something to ponder and chew on. Who do you hurt? Why do you hurt them? Think of the love they have for you by enduring that hurt. Maybe you should ask for forgiveness. It’s never to late, especially if you are asking God.

Love is a crazy topic to consider, but it’s a strong human characteristic. God knows that, hence He inscribed the law on our hearts and gave us the two great commandments: “You shall love the Lord your God from all your heart, and with all your soul and with all your mind… You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”